Breakdown and Breakthrough

Help comes from the most interesting places sometimes...

Cow in the Road

"Mulan: I don't know if I should listen to a little lizard."

MuShu: That's it. Dishonor. Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow...

Mulan: No WAIT!" --(Mulan)

This week was a week of breakdowns and breakthroughs. I spent most of the week in a quiet desperation, having tugged at threads and pulled at strings only to find that I was running into the end of my rope. Or maybe a better metaphor is the brick wall behind door numbers one, two, and three. I had followed a lot of leads, I had run a lot of places, but I felt no closer to my big "research question" or the thing that "set me apart from others." In fact, for the most part I had begun to wonder if maybe I'd made some monumental mistake being out here. 

Gulu is wonderful, and I'm quite smitten with the part of Northern Uganda I've been lucky enough to inhabit for the last few weeks. I just wasn't sure that anyone here really needed anything I could bring...and wasn't really sure that I could bring anything new. It was a huge discouragement. 

Granted, some amount of success had happened this week. I met with D'Andrea and we brainstormed some research needs of ChildVoice for a project I'm working on for her. Luckily, their needs and my interests are well aligned, so I think a lot of mutual objectives can be met with my work. I also got a really solid interview with Winnie, the counselor for ChildVoice. I was supposed to go to Lukodi again to meet her, but since she was going to be in town on Wednesday anyway, it worked out that I didn't need to make the trip (though I'm still anxious to make it to the compound one more time before I go). Given that my Wednesday was suddenly free, I managed to wander the town until I found GuSCO's main office (Gulu Support the Children Organization). GuSCO runs one of the better known reception centers for abductees returning from the bush and while I had been expecting it would be very difficult to get information and access, I was pleasantly surprised with an interview from Robert Okeny (program coordinator) who not only gave me over an hour of his time this morning but has offered me access to some hardcore statistical data that has been collected by GuSCO regarding whom they've assisted, when, and for what. 

But, short of a miracle, I was running out of leads and running out of ideas. Thankfully, Peter called last night with some encouraging words and a firm suggestion to take a day out following my interview to just find a place of quiet and solitude and think, meditate, and pray. I chose to boda out to the Catechist Training Center again, as it is the most peaceful place I could imagine off the top of my head, and have spent much of the day sitting on the veranda and just clearing my mind of distractions. I've also been recharging my social batteries. Those who know me know what it takes from me to introduce myself at random to strangers and then to make requests of them. I've been doing it a lot lately and not getting much time totally alone and that combination has made me unpleasant to be around, at best. 

Thankfully, there was room at the CTC table for one more during lunch, and I gratefully accepted a plate of the best food in Northern Uganda (I am so spoiled when I come up here) next to Apio and across from Laura (a research from UBC-Vancouver who is working on an anthropology project about the oral tradition of the Acholi). Fr. Joseph joined us at some length and began to discuss the ways that the catechists had suffered during the war, being targeted by various groups including Alice Lakwena's father. It was an interesting conversation about the religion this "holy man" was espousing and the vows he was forcing people to take, on pain of death, to his spirits. When the catechists refused, having already given their vows to God and the Catholic Church, many of them were put to death. Fr. Joseph says that if this can be proven, it would be a strong case for the title of "martyr" in the Catholic Church. Given that yesterday (June 3) was Martyr's Day, it was an interesting connecting of my entire week and all of the things I've been graciously included in (conversations, interviews, lectures, meetings) since I got here. 

Mostly, it left me thinking. More details on this as they come to me, but let's just say that I may have my red thread. Finally.

Before I close, I wanted to introduce everyone to Eunice, my other Acholi-Luo teacher, and her 3-year-old Ryan. Eunice works at Acholi Ber, and as I sat taking breakfast this morning and preparing for my interview with Robert Okeny she came in and said, "I want to show you my boy!" then she brought him in. Apparently, he's on his way to hospital today, as he's feeling suspiciously feverish (which is why he was with Eunice and not at school). I'm hoping it isn't malaria, but he does seem to be showing all the classic symptoms. 

Eunice and her son Ryan

Still...you can't help but fall desperately in love with that smile. 

Mostly, this week has been about priorities and realizing that I'm not here to save the world. I'm just here to give the world some small light on the piece of Northern Uganda that I've been lucky enough to see.