12 Things I'm Learning in Gulu

For those who have followed my blogs in the past you know that periodically I insist on lists. Today, I'd like to share the "12 Things I'm Learning in Gulu" list. Of course, this list isn't exhaustive...there will be more to come, I'm sure. 

12 Things I'm Learning in Gulu:

1. African Soap Operas are so bad that they're awesome. It's a little like watching a high school drama corps, only with really awkwardly placed music. Sometimes they live in huts. Sometimes they live in nice houses. Either way, the woman is always bent over the bucket washing laundry and the chubby guy always gets the hot girl. 

2. Mosquitoes don't care if you have Deet. Or a mosquito net. Or a metal suit. There will always be that one that will get you six times before you even knew what hit you. My left leg looks like a buffet took place there. DON'T FORGET YOUR DOXY.

3. Bored little boys are the same no matter where you go. I've been watching the same kid terrorize the same chicken (chasing it with sticks, a tape measurer, and various other devices) in the neighborhood under the hotel nearly every day since I got here. The chicken has seven chicks that follow her everywhere and after she gets chased around the huts a weird game of avian Marco Polo takes place until she finds them all. 

4. Say yes to the coffee. Say no to the lime/orange fruit. Say yes to the meat on a stick. Say no to uncooked tomatoes. Say yes, yes, yes, to the fresh mangoes during mango season. Say absolutely to cipote with bananas. Say yes to Novida (soda) but NO to Alvero (soda).  

5. It takes three days to dry your laundry. Don't wait to wash.

6. The Indian supermarket is really well stocked. You'll pay dearly for what you buy, but by the time you find it you'll be so desperate it won't matter. You craving peanuts? Indian store. What about Turkish Nutella? Indian store. And the one Indian market has a nice guy behind the counter who is always playing Bollywood classics. How can you not dance?

7. There is no "fiber" in Gulu. No FiberOne cereal. No Metamucil. No Benafiber. The best they can offer is "digestive fiber enhanced" Marie Biscuits. Come prepared. 

8. Watch your step. Especially during rainy season. The ground all looks the same but sometimes you take a step and end up shin deep in mud. Other times you take a step and slip down the street. Once in a while you'll get really unlucky and slip into the sewage ditch on the side of the road. The whole time the people around you will say "I'm sorry! So sorry!" like they'd pushed you. The trick is to land on your feet, throw your hands in the air and do your best impression of a gymnast sticking the landing. 

9. Apwoyo Matek ("Thank you very much") can take you very far. If you don't know any other phrase, start here. It's polite and it makes the little old ladies laugh as they pass you on the road. Other useful phrases include (but are not limited to) "Ico Maber Larema!" ("Good morning, my friend!") and "Amiro Ciro Dek?" ("How do I get to food?")

10. It's okay to be creative. When the little kids come up to you and say, "HEY MZUNGU!" it is sometimes funny to turn around and go "Where?" and then laugh with them. Smiles, high-fives, head nods, and the hand-shake to bro-hug are universal concepts and will get you equal reception anywhere. Be prepared to be social -- it isn't really acceptable to silently pass everyone. 

11. Lady Gaga is a virus. Her lyrics are addictive and get stuck in your head. Then you walk around singing it. Then the next person you run into is infected and now they're singing. I'm convinced that much like a virgin soil epidemic, there once was no Lady Gaga music in Gulu. Now, however, you can't go anywhere without someone singing "Telephone" or "Paparazzi". She's one of America's weirdest exports. 

12. Uganda Time = kind of like Hawaiian Time. Did they tell you the meeting started at two? Plan for everyone to show up at three...then plan to spend an hour discussing why no one ever comes to the meetings. Then do in fifteen minutes what you'd planned to do three hours before. Planning lunch? Better tell the person breakfast. Have an important email out? Expect a month before you get a response. Once you get used to it though...its not such a bad system. It builds in time throughout the day for naps and internet surfing.